I'm Baked

Not in the sense that everyone is thinking, though. 

I used to be a pretty darn good baker. 

Following directions: no problem. 

Adding some flare and calling it my own: Boom. Done.

Getting raves from family, friends, and coworkers: well, I got a couple office "awards" that will clear that right up. 

But for some reason, this July has not been going well. I have ruined two batches of cookies in two weeks.  A friend of mine contributes humidity and the wrong oats, but I know what's really happening. I've lost my touch.

The baker got baked.

Baking is a no-brainer for me. It just came natural. I mean, how hard is it really? It's not like cooking. That takes a bit more knowledge of how things come together. Baking: flour, sugar, butter, shortening, and some other spices: how hard is it!? It's just not.

So what I was hoping would be some chewy, fluffy Snickerdoodles today turned in to this: 

a (now half-eaten, thanks to the kids) plate of Snickerduddles. They have decent horrible flavor. All I can taste is vegetable shortening. Maybe this is why:

So, like, a year overdue, right? For some things, that doesn't matter. When I took the lid off the shortening, the smell hit me full force: pure vegetable oil. I ignored it, because I have come to hate that smell, so I thought it was just my aversion to it instead of a silent warning: your cookies are going to fail.

Last week, my cookie attempt was the chocolate, peanut butter, oatmeal no-bake. Who doesn't love these? Usually, I use old-fashioned oats, which doesn't normally set well. No worries. I put them in the fridge for a bit, and they're good to go. Why don't I just get quick oats, you ask? Good question. Because I'm lazy. I get old-fashioned oats for regular oatmeal needs, and a trip to the store for random cookies needs is just too much to handle. I do have two small monsters who I have to take everywhere with me after all. Although, after another failed batch, I think I will start keeping an extra container of the quick oats on reserve. But I don't think that was the problem this time. 

I think the problem was this:

Notice the big X and the note I left to myself? Yeah, I forgot I tried this recipe before, and the exact same thing happened: the whole thing burned up before I had a chance to drop them onto the wax paper. Five minutes!? That's a crazed amount of time, and the chocolate mix burned up quite quickly. Also notice the author didn't specify what kind of oats to use. I blame the system. The other recipe I found in cookbook by food critics says one minute. I'm going for that next time.

What the real problem is, I think, is that I have lost/misplaced my original recipes for both of these. Well, that and not using the correct or expired ingredients.

Next week, after a trip to the grocery store, I'm going to try a third time. Hopefully, it is a charm, because all I want is a decent homemade cookie.

In the meantime, my cooking has actually been quite good. Yea, me!